Regrets... So Far

you know that moment that your totally Volnerable? that your sitting there just waiting for the last thread to break, thining about all the things that led you to that point, all the things that you regret as of thus far?...

So Far My biggest regret is: Not Buying My Friend's Mini-Van 2 1/2 yrs ago. that would have changed my life.

I could have left my Ex Matt long before i did. i wouldnt have had him controlling where i went or who i went there with, i wouldnt have needed him to drive me to work, school anywhere. i wouldnt be dependant on people to drive me anywhere. i wouldnt feel as if i were trapped anywhere. i could have had freedom.

An Old Flame?... No Spark... thats it.

 Pic From:: Ranma 1/2 vol.1 book 1.

Text bubble 1: its okay now.          Text bubble 2: I guess i finally gotten over him.

Drama with a Capital D.!. an old friend of mine from NY just got a yahoo account..we were talkin... and he tells me he's in love with me...( at this point im like WTF. cos i had a crush on him way  back when....)

Kristin G_ (9/14/2007 10:29:23 AM): cos if i were an oscar myer wiener...
Kristin G_ (9/14/2007 10:29:39 AM): everyone would be in love with me-e-e
jim bob a wayo (9/14/2007 10:29:50 AM): i already was...
Kristin G_ (9/14/2007 10:30:05 AM): huh
Kristin G_ (9/14/2007 10:30:11 AM): when
jim  bob a wayo (9/14/2007 10:30:18 AM): now?
Kristin G_ (9/14/2007 10:30:38 AM): aw, really...
jim bob a wayo (9/14/2007 10:30:59 AM): yes

his GF emails me telling me hes cheating...asks if he told me anything... all i know is that he told me their relationship wasnt working... so thats what i told her... that and he made a yahoo SN and was veiwing my webcam one day...

Well she confronts him... he say im lying about that... she yells at me... DRAMA oh my god... i mean what do we live in high school or something??

shes sayin i planned on stealin her BF all along and im just doing this to break them up...

um... no.. why would i want him i got my own, why would i try to steal him from 800 miles away, and whhy would i want to ruin my friends relationship? i mean come on that guy has bad luck with women why wouldnt i be happy for him?..

i mean jeez.. this is just one of those things that makes u think real hard... i mean GOD. its like he is trying to create all this drama and bullshit between me and his gurl and i have no idea why.. i mean christ. he's been my friend fer like 8yrs...

I swear some guys i just dont understand.

when he made some of the comments that he said to me. i admit. i still had some old feelings for him... and those comments reminded me of that...

but after everthing that hes been pulling and all the drama hes stiring between me and her... its just killing me  for many reasons. he bringing up old memories, old feelings, . he is/was? a Great freind.. and this is just one of those  things...but i guess it was all for the best

i never really get over my feelings i guess.. i guess it takes someone to make u remmber the good times, the great times the old feelings the trust the love... and then it takes someone to break them, make life come crashing down.. for you to be finally free of it...

i can honestly say now after 8yrs...

I'M FINALLY OVER HIM.!

july 27 2007

So alot happend recently, got my 3rd surgery over and done with. now i'mback in Ohio, moved all my shit here.. and shockingly enuff my mom and her bf mark gave me a buch of stuff too. couches, tables, pots and pans, dishes and chairs and such.. so now me and steve have tons of stuff from his family too, def more than enuff to fill a 3bedroom house.. my fav has got to be that glass topped table.. anyway

last week it was my "half" birthday. i turned 19 and a half...lol so me and steve went out to this bar in Solon at midnight and stayed there fer a few hrs drinking, and then we went to the store and picked up booze and contined the celebration at our place... then  to the movies all drunk and stoned it was the funnest shit ever.

May 27th.

So... Everything Said and done... Ohio is GREAT aside from my man's Brother...hes the rudest little shit on the planet i swear,.. he was yellin at a 7yr old lil girl cos she was being loud... she's a kid for pete's sake.

Anyway Started classes May 25th got 2 research projects which are gonna be awsome one due in 2wks another due in a month..my favorite in Wiccan Philosophy so far im doing good not stressing or anything lol.. why would i? im taking 2 classes during the summer, full fledge classes in the fall.. im "Expanding my religous beliefs" as my mother told my family.. she fails to tell them i'm wicca.. oh i wonder why?.. its like since i moved out here i feel more free.. opened up to my mother told her im Wiccan and that im Bi-sexual.. and its like she dont wanna talk to me no more.. she was excited that i was back in school... frowned upon my choice to take a Wicca course.. lol

Steve's parents love me.. weee load off my shoulder... had my phone shut off for a few wks.. sux when u pay it late huh? lol... a few old ghosts called me... and one not so old ghost is in town.. he wont respond to my txts tho.. i wanted to stop by his place... i mean its a 5min walk from here... but steve gets all hissy over the topic.. im like jesus they were pals since that were in training pants... oh well...maybe i'll stop by and ask if he wants to smoke with me in the afternoon.. i mean i get bored when steve's at work... god damn bed rest... ya know what it feels like to be restricted to bed rest for 3wks? CRAZY.. drivin me CRAZY

lalala.. high off my ass and bored as fuck... blah.. anyway im working on a new mix... sounds pretty kick-ass actually... lalala.. i dont know gonna work on my paper and then we'll see what happens when my man comes home... were doing this big party thing tomorrow with his family, then me and steve are getting a hotel room by 6 flags which is like 20mins away.. gonna get fucked up and then waterpark!!!

"If I had everything would I Still wanna be alive?
Oh wanna be high
If I had everything would I Still wanna be alive?
Oh wanna be high."

She draws the costume correct in thick, black and red eyeliner.
She's too young for the club but the guys at the door don't mind her.
The boys are all lining up for their chance to wine and dine her.
She thinks she's working the scene but she's caught up in a web full of spiders (and all the drinks they buy her)

She don't like cocaine, baby just likes how it smells
says maybe you can drive me home if you want.

Then you wake up beside her saying "baby I think you should leave..."
- She had a really rough night, she got too high, now she can't breathe
and if the ambulance comes you know they're gonna bring the police,
so you wrap her up tight, put her to sleep beneath a willow tree
and your hands are clean...

She don't like cocaine, baby just likes how it smells
says maybe you can drive me home if you want. 

So go out and have your fun tonight,
you might as well go out and raise your glass to life.
Go out and have your fun tonight,
you might as well go out and raise your drinks to life, 'cause we're all going to Hell...

And so now we can see how easily we become hopelessly tangled up in the very webs we've spun.
So give me one last line and I promise you I'm done -
This is the story of how one night can weigh a ton

Euff Said.

Check Out The Vid It's NUTS! http://www.purevolume.com/videos/strata/cocaine